After a couple of months of research I had discovered that to achieve what I really wanted to do in life, I must attend school for at the least 12 more years after college. My college adviser confirmed that I would have to drop everything and completely rethink my courses and assign punishing classes that I was required to take. She spoke of Advanced Biology, Mammalian Classification, MCATS, time constraints, summer classes until it was more than I could bear. My mind and body wept at this knowledge. I never wanted to do this much work. I never wanted to have to do so much to attain so little. It was torture, and my brain and my devil kept telling me to find another way, I could do psychiatry without having to work so hard.

So I turned to my idol and inspiration: Paulo Coelho.

I began to think about his book "The Alchemist" which is about following your dreams.

I began to think some more about my decisions whilst my devil was persistently pushing me to take an easier route. Thinking about the book, I recalled passages which explained how one should listen to their heart. I have based my thoughts and perception on the world on books such as these, and I was able to hear what my heart had to say quite clearly. I asked it, “Am I doing the right thing? Is this what I want to do?”

My heart answered, “This has always been your dream. To grow up and be a famous doctor. You would play as a child with stethoscopes and pretend that you were diagnosing your brother. You used to flip through medical dictionaries and journals, in the hope that some of the knowledge would be passed to you. You wrote a whole page from one of those books about nerves, just for the sake of writing about the human body.’

“Now, you have discovered a joy in helping children, something you never thought you could do. Yet here you are, happy with children and the laughter of a child can bring joy to your face, just as when a child comes up to you, arms outstretched, asking to be picked up. You never thought you would be so touched and appalled at the drugs and exploitation of the children in the world today. A single disease has kept you busy for a whole summer, ready to embark on an extremely difficult research project in order to bring more light and awareness to the disease. We both know you’ve always wanted to be a doctor. Now you have the opportunity to be a Psychiatrist and help children and parents everywhere. But to have such a privilege, you must ‘fight the good fight’.”

I understood what my heart was saying. To ‘fight the good fight’ is to fight for your dreams. The coward chooses not to follow their dream, because they get too comfortable where they are, or they complain of the amount of work involved, or they complain about responsibilities they have.

I have learned the hard way that one must always listen to their heart, no matter what the situation. I have ignored my heart only once, and because of that I lost one of the most beautiful people in my life. I will not stand for cowardice to kill my childhood dream. I will NOT allow it!

I asked my heart, “So, if we are to take this road together, will you promise that you will always be there to remind me for what I am fighting for?”

“Yes,” replied my heart, “and do you, Jeff, promise to listen to me whenever I wish to speak? For if you ignore me too many times, I will never speak again, and you will be wracked with sorrow, because you will not know what makes you happy anymore?”

“Yes,” I replied.

Immediately, I felt a wave of relief wash all over me. I was proud that I had chosen to fight the good fight, and not succumb to cowardice. Through my writings, I hope to inspire others to fight the good fight with me, and how to listen to their hearts so that they may never be disappointed again.

I lay down in bed, finally tired, whispering to myself, “I am following my dream. I am the happiest person in world. I am following my dream. I am the happiest person in the world.”
I repeated these words not to remind myself why I was choosing my path, but to remind my heart that once again it had reassured me, and taken my weeping soul into its arms, soothing me. My soul had almost been consumed by my devil, but my angel and my heart were enough to keep that beautiful white light shining inside my soul, even if it was just a flicker, before bringing it up full force, and putting my devil back into my control.

Author’s Note: I was hit by a sudden inspiration to write. The clock reads 3:57am, and hopefully that conveys the magnitude by which I was consumed. This is a quick example of how your greatest friend and ally in this world is your heart, as nobody knows you better. This is one of the things I have learned through experience (as I have written above) and although I am still very young (18) I am grasping ideas that seem to be for a much older person. So you may see me exhibiting the sin of pride, but I will renounce that pride by saying that anybody can do this. If you are at a crossroads in life, your mind and heart arguing about which road to take, always listen to your heart. For although your mind may know what is more cost effective for you or what may be safer for you, only your heart truly knows what you want. So go the most cost effective road. Embark on the safer path. But actions without motivation cease after a short while. I know that I will be fighting up this ladder one rung at a time. Even though I know that there will be moments when I wish I were someone else, moments where I weep into the indifferent pages of a textbook, moments where I raise a trembling hand to take another drag of a cigarette, even through all of this I know, that when I am sitting in front of a 16 year old girl who can’t stop throwing up, an 18 year old boy who can’t feel emotions, or a 13 year old girl who can’t stop crying about a divorce, I know that I will look back on my training, smile at my heart, and speak with the fullest conviction of my voice of aiding the struggles of others. My heart will be able to speak through me. People say the best advice is given from the heart. They have no idea just how right they are.